Help they know all about us!
Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 10:51 am
CALLER Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
CALLER OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER OK! That’s what I want …
GOOGLE May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER What? I detest vegetables!
GOOGLE Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER How the hell do you know!
GOOGLE Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER I paid in cash.
GOOGLE But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER WHAT THE HELL!!!
GOOGLE I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…
GOOGLE No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
CALLER OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER OK! That’s what I want …
GOOGLE May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER What? I detest vegetables!
GOOGLE Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER How the hell do you know!
GOOGLE Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER I paid in cash.
GOOGLE But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER WHAT THE HELL!!!
GOOGLE I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…
